


The Magnificent Self-Discovery of Mr. Jimothan Botch

by irlenolacroix



Series: The Smiling Twenties [2]
Category: Smile For Me (Video Game)
Genre: 1920s, Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - Prohibition Era, Bisexual Male Character, Character Study, Denial of Feelings, Falling In Love, Father-Son Relationship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Recovery, aka 1920s jimothan character study that got out of hand, and he and parsley have a strained relationship, he and trencil are gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 04:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21220568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlenolacroix/pseuds/irlenolacroix
Summary: The year is 1924, and Jimothan Botch is paralyzed with loneliness and guilt. The remedy, of course, is at the local speakeasy, but it may not be quite the remedy he was expecting.AKA a 1920's AU Jimothan character study that got WAY out of hand.





	The Magnificent Self-Discovery of Mr. Jimothan Botch

Jimothan Botch was not gay. 

Probably.

He’d had an entire wife before, after all. And an entire son! Nothing more heterosexual than that. Yes, the wife had left him for another man, and yes, he’d had a pretty shoddy relationship with his son since that happened, but… well, he’d still had a wife and a son at some point. He hadn’t kissed a man before. Yes, he’d sort-of-kind-of fallen a little bit in love with a friend of his when he was in school, but didn’t everybody do that? It wasn’t gay to be a little bit tipsy on the walk home from school, sipping from your shared flask that you’d kept hidden from the teacher during class, and look over at your friend and see the sun hit his face and the whiskey-induced blush on his cheeks as he gazed at the road ahead and think to yourself,  _ what if I took his face in my hands and kissed him? _ That was just whiskey talking. It wasn’t gay. Not even a little bit.

It wasn’t that he had an issue with gay people. He really didn’t. He actually really liked gay people. Hell, he wouldn’t mind if his son was gay. Parsley had never mentioned it, though, so when Jimothan talked about girls and Parsley never corrected him, he just assumed he’d gotten it right the first time. Not that Parsley ever mentioned any girls, though… But Jimothan just ignored that. 

They were arguing too often for Jimothan to care too much about why Parsley didn’t have a girlfriend.

Jimothan hated the fucking arguments. He knew he started them every single time and he wished he could stop, he really did, but he had no idea how to talk to his son outside of them. Parsley was just a very different person from Jimothan, and every time Jimothan tried to communicate with him it would just devolve into another fight. Jimothan didn’t hear from Parsley for nearly a decade after he left for law school. He tried to be okay with that, he really did. After all, he’d brought the estrangement upon himself. Parsley deserved to be able to have his own space to figure his life out. It wasn’t like Jimothan had ever been the best dad to him anyways.

But Parsley was still gone. And Jimothan was desperately, crushingly lonely.

When his wife left him, Jimothan wasn’t sure if it was his fault or not. He eventually came to the conclusion that it wasn’t. She’d told him herself that it wasn’t him; she just couldn’t handle the stress of motherhood and she’d fallen in love with somebody else. Jimothan chose to believe her, mostly because he would have spiraled even harder if he hadn’t. But Parsley… That was Jimothan’s fault. He knew that deep in his bones.

His life fell into a routine after that. He woke up. He lay in bed for a while, paralyzed by guilt, before getting ready for the day. For a long while he bartended, but then that got shut down for obvious reasons and he had to find another job. This turned out to be harder than expected. Working in food service was the best he could get without a degree, and it would have been fine if he’d ever actually gotten to cook. Of course, though, he got stuck washing dishes, which left him with a lot of time to think about his mistakes and spiral even more.

So he drank. A lot.

There were a couple of establishments Jimothan tried before he found the Habitat. None of them really appealed to him, but the liquor was hard and he could try his best to forget why he’d started drinking again in the first place. He’d found the Habitat by chance while wandering the streets at night after a shift. There was no way a real laundromat would be open that late, and the fact that the guy he saw went in without any laundry… well, that sold him. He listened in, he figured out the password with a bit of deductive reasoning, and after a little while, he was inside.

The place wasn’t like the others he’d been to. The atmosphere was… lighter, almost, in a strange way. The people he saw seemed to actually enjoy being there. The woman performing on the stage seemed to be enjoying herself. But Jimothan couldn’t find it in him to care too much about any of that. He found himself at the bar, not paying attention to how he got there, and he ordered the hardest thing he could think of.

Jimothan expected a couple of things out of that first night at the Habitat. He expected alcohol. He expected loud noises and he expected to lose a lot of his money. He expected to forget, like he always did, only to remember twice as hard the next morning.

He was not expecting for his glass to accidentally bump the glass of whoever was sitting beside him when he put it down a bit clumsily. He also wasn’t expecting to look up when he apologized, nor was he expecting to see what was quite possibly the most beautiful man that he’d ever seen in his life.

Maybe… maybe it was the bourbon talking, but…  _ Fuck. _

“Um… Sorry about that,” Jimothan said when he found his breath.

The other man simply nodded. “Quite all right,” he’d said with a tiny smile as he pulled his own glass a bit closer to himself. “No spills.”

“Uh… yeah.” Jimothan cleared his throat and made himself look away, taking another sip of his drink. “Motherfucker…”

“Something wrong?” the other man asked.

“No, no, it’s just… Not the type of bourbon I asked for.” Jimothan almost laughed. “Eh, not that it makes much of a difference… Came for a stiff drink and that’s what I’m getting, you know? Just didn’t anticipate…”

The other man tucked some hair behind his ear. “You can taste that much of a difference?”

Jimothan shrugged. “Used to bartend for a living. You get pretty sensitive to differences like that.”

There was silence for a moment, and Jimothan thought the conversation was over. His heart almost sank; he was suddenly trying to think up new things to say, ways to make conversation with this stranger, something he’d never done before. Before he had time to wonder why he cared so much about talking with this man, though, the stranger spoke. “You know… they’re looking for a new bartender here.”

Jimothan met the man’s eyes. “Hm?”

“I…” The man looked both ways, then leaned a little closer to Jimothan, an action which made Jimothan’s heart race. “I’m, well… I’m quite familiar with this establishment. And it may be inappropriate to speak so soon, but… I do know that the boss is looking to replace him.” He jerked his head in a gesture at the current bartender. “I am not one to gossip, but the word is that the current barkeep isn’t quite so fond of the boss or his lover… It’s been quite the contentious situation.”

Jimothan almost leaned back on the barstool, but something about the whispering-distance closeness he had with the other man was so exhilarating to him that he didn’t want to move way from it in any capacity. “You offerin’ me a job…?”

The stranger shrugged slightly and sipped his own drink. “I don’t have that much power. But I will say that if you come back here on Tuesday and say that Trencil sent you, the boss will at least speak with you.”

Jimothan blinked, then cleared his throat and adjusted his position. “I… take it you’re Trencil, then?”

Trencil nodded slightly. “That is what they call me.”

Reflexively, Jimothan reached out a hand to shake. “Jimothan. Jimothan Botch.”

Trencil looked at Jimothan’s hand, then took it and shook it. “Trencil Varnnia. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Trencil’s grip was cold, but it somehow made Jimothan feel even warmer around the face than what little bourbon he’d had to drink. “Um…” He pulled his hand back, not wanting to dwell on how that had made him feel. “How do you… How do you know this isn’t a trap? How do you know you can trust me?”

Trencil considered for a moment, then reached into his coat pocket and gave Jimothan a twenty-dollar bill. “Return that to me if you’re hired,” he said. “If you are not hired, then you may keep it. Think of it as collateral.”

Jimothan hesitated, then took the money, stuffing it in his pocket. “Okay,” he said. “Thank you.”

Trencil gave a controlled nod, a little smile on his face. “I hope it works out for you.”

“Yeah? And why’s that?”

“Well, perhaps I can just tell you’re a man who knows his alcohol,” Trencil said, crossing one leg over the other. He looked Jimothan over, seeming to consider something, before speaking once again, this time more quiet and cautious about his words. “Or perhaps I just find you very handsome, and would like to see you again.”

Jimothan froze up. His mouth was already dry with strange nerves, but it somehow became drier. “I…”  _ I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong idea? You’re very nice, but I’m not gay? _ “...I, ah…”

_ I think you’re very handsome as well. _

Before Jimothan could figure out what he wanted to say, Trencil let out a soft chuckle and turned back to his drink. “I apologize if I was too forward,” he said, taking a small sip. “You ought to come in about that job, though. We really would like the help.”

“No, no, it’s not, it’s not a problem!” Jimothan stammered before taking a break to catch his breath, draining his glass afterward and then managing to make eye contact with Trencil.  _ He’s got such pretty eyes… _ “I just… I guess I need a little time to, ah, think on it.”

“On coming in for the job, or on my possibly wanting to see you again?”

“Um…” Jimothan swallowed, knowing his face was probably beet-red at this point. He wasn’t gay, he knew he wasn’t gay, but… there was something about this man, about his manner of speech and his reserved demeanor and, fuck it, his absolutely gorgeous features that made Jimothan  _ really _ want to say yes, he would see him again. Maybe it was just the alcohol, but that old feeling was coming up again, that memory of wanting nothing more than to kiss a friend’s mouth and see where that led…

“I apologize for coming on to you so strong.” Trencil chuckled softly, but Jimothan could see a tinge of red on his cheeks. “I ought to get going, anyway… I do not want to be out for far too long.” He finished his drink and got to his feet, nodding to Jimothan as he did so. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

Just as Trencil started to walk away, Jimothan felt that his mouth began to work again. “Wait!” he said, perhaps a little bit too urgently, and when Trencil turned to look at him Jimothan was terrified his heart would stop. But if anything, it just went faster, and Jimothan managed to speak. “I… I would like to see you again,” he said, his stomach wobbling as he said it. “You said… You said Tuesday about the job, right?”

Trencil’s lips curled upward into a soft smile. “Tuesday about the job, yes,” he said. “But you ought to come in Wednesday night as well… It’s our quietest night and I like to be here when it’s quiet.”

Jimothan cleared his throat and nodded. “Sounds good to me,” he said, managing to give Trencil a smile. “I… I’ll see you Wednesday, then.”

Relief seemed to overtake Trencil and his shoulders visibly relaxed. “I will see you on Wednesday, Jimothan Botch,” he said, smiling at Jimothan one more time before turning and leaving the establishment.

Jimothan watched Trencil go, feeling his heart sink as he realized how much he wanted to keep talking to him. After a few seconds, though, he turned back to the bar and stared at his empty glass. He wasn’t gay. He was  _ not _ gay. But… maybe he was a  _ tiny _ bit intrigued by Trencil.

“Another,” he said when the bartender came back, and it was again the wrong kind of bourbon. Jimothan couldn’t find it in him to care. 

So that was how he got his job at the Habitat. He talked to the bosses and, while they were a bit eccentric, he liked them well enough. The taller one was a bit aloof, but the shorter one was nicer, and the taller one seemed to be a bit softened when his companion was around. Jimothan wondered if the smaller man was the lover Trencil had referred to the boss having, but he thought it better not to ask. It would be… interesting to have a gay boss. Two gay bosses, at that. The closer he got to the folks running the joint, the more he became convinced that literally every single one of his coworkers was gay. He didn’t mind. He liked all his coworkers well enough. He just wasn’t gay.

Well…

He’d been spending a lot more time with Trencil recently. He’d learned that Trencil had a daughter, a girl three months shy of thirteen named Nat, a name she’d chosen for herself when she told Trencil she wanted to be a girl. It was an unfamiliar concept to Jimothan at first, but it was easy enough to understand. Nat was standoffish the first time he met her, a phase Jimothan remembered from Parsley’s preteen years. Trencil reassured him that she was like that with everybody nowadays, including himself. There was incredible sadness lingering in his voice whenever he talked about his relationship with Nat, but before Jimothan could try to comfort him, he would change the subject.

Jimothan was so drawn to Trencil that he swore he was magnetic.

Trencil was beautiful. He’d often sit near Jimothan when they would talk, and rather than being uncomfortable, Jimothan found himself moving closer until they were nearly touching. He found excuses to touch Trencil in any way he could: affectionate pats on the arm, brushing hands when they walked together, teasing nudges with elbows as he became more comfortable. Trencil would often do the same to him. Jimothan knew what was going on, but he ignored it as best as he could. He knew there was flirtation there, but… He wasn’t gay. He wasn’t. There was no way.

At least, that was what he’d forced himself to think.

It was one and a half weeks before Jimothan saw Parsley again for the first time in nearly ten years when Trencil kissed him, or he kissed Trencil, or they kissed each other. At first Jimothan was surprised, but the surprise faded into excitement and desire as he realized fully what was happening. Trencil didn’t seem surprised at all. When Jimothan pulled back, he saw Trencil smiling, and he found that he was smiling as well. It was definitely Jimothan that leaned back in, and definitely Trencil that wrapped an arm around Jimothan to pull him closer.

“I’d wondered when you would figure it out,” Trencil had murmured. Jimothan had responded by burying his face in Trencil’s shoulder, hugging him close, so overwhelmed by an array of emotions that he found himself fighting back tears.

Whether Jimothan was gay or not, he couldn’t deny any further that he was in love with Trencil. And, somehow, by some miracle of fate, Trencil seemed to love him back.

The week and a half between the kiss and Jimothan’s inevitable reunion with his son was an interesting one. It was Jimothan that first tried to hold Trencil’s hand, Trencil that first put his arm around Jimothan in a way that was anything other than cautiously platonic. Jimothan was still cautious around Trencil in public, almost like he was afraid of giving something away, and Trencil understood. He was still affectionate, still told Jimothan he was handsome and gave him all manner of other compliments, but he didn’t kiss or touch Jimothan in public unless Jimothan initiated it, and for that Jimothan was thankful. He would get more comfortable with it eventually, he reasoned to himself, before inevitably going red at the realization that he was assuming there would be an ‘eventually’ with Trencil.

Did he have a boyfriend now? It certainly seemed like it.

Luckily for Jimothan, the night he finally saw Parsley again was a night when Trencil wasn’t at the bar. Trencil knew about Parsley—hell, half the time Jimothan couldn’t shut up about him—but Jimothan wasn’t sure he wanted Parsley to know about Trencil. He had no reason to believe Parsley would ever come back, but if he did… Jimothan was terrified. He had changed so much since Parsley had last seen him, and a lot of it was for the better—he wasn’t drinking as much anymore, he could get himself out of bed in the mornings, he wasn’t having outbursts of anger anymore—but he knew Parsley wasn’t obligated to forgive him. Hell, why would he? Despite trying his very best throughout his eighteen years with Parsley, he knew he wasn’t the best father. He knew Parsley deserved better.

When Parsley came into the bar that night, looking exhausted and on the verge of tears, Jimothan nearly dropped the drink he was mixing. Parsley’s hair was longer now, longer than it had been the last time Jimothan saw him, and he’d grown into his once-awkward former lankiness. He was really quite handsome now; he’d gotten his looks from his mother, after all. He looked so tired. His tie was crooked, his hands were shaking, and he came to the bar without looking up once. It wasn’t until Jimothan came over to him that Parsley noticed him.

“Yeah, I’ll get a—” Parsley stopped in his tracks the moment he looked Jimothan in the eyes and Jimothan felt his stomach jump. “...Dad?”

Jimothan wanted to hug him. He wanted to hold Parsley as close as he possibly could, apologize over and over, tell him he loved him, tell him he was so sorry. He was already tearing up just looking at Parsley, but he forced himself to hold the tears back. No crying. Not now.

“I’m sorry to meet you again in a place like this, son,” he said in a hoarse voice.

“I…” Parsley swallowed and looked away, staring at his hands. “I just… I just need to get drunk. I can’t… This is too fucking much right now.”

Jimothan gave a tiny nod and made something he remembered Parsley liking from the old days, when he was seventeen and they’d get drunk together. It was about the only thing he ever prepared that Parsley more than tolerated. Parsley took it and drained it the second Jimothan gave it to him, then looked up at his father once more. “How much?”

“It’s on the house for you,” Jimothan said, giving a tight smile as he said it before regaining a concerned expression. “What’s wrong, son? Did something happen?”

Parsley hesitated, then shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “Not here. Not now. Maybe… maybe some other time.”

Jimothan nodded, made him another drink, then took a napkin and shakily scribbled a number on it. He slid the napkin over to Parsley, his hand trembling as he did so. “You can… You can call me anytime. Whenever you’re ready.”

Parsley stared at the number, then took it and put it in his suit pocket. “Thanks.”

Jimothan nodded, then was quiet. It wasn’t long, though, before another sentence burst forth. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I want… I am better, and I want to keep getting better.”

For a long time, Parsley said nothing. Finally, after an agonizing few seconds, he managed to say, “We should… catch up sometime. Like… get together, take a walk, just… catch up.”

Jimothan would have broken down in sobs right then had he been at all tipsy, but he was mostly sober, and managed to hold back the tears. “I would love that,” he said.

Jimothan went to Trencil’s house that night. He cried harder than he had in a long time, and Trencil was there, lightly rubbing his hand up and down Jimothan’s back. When Jimothan was finished crying, he kissed Trencil, and Trencil was there, steady, never wavering.

Over the next few weeks, Jimothan learned a lot about Parsley. He’d gone to law school, like he always said he wanted to, and was now working as a public defender. He’d been drinking a lot before, then he was sober, now he was drinking again, but trying to keep a handle on it. Parsley hesitated before telling Jimothan he’d been in a long-term relationship with a man, but he did, and Jimothan realized that maybe he hadn’t gotten it right the first time when he assumed Parsley liked girls. Parsley told him about how he’d met Martin, about how they’d been happy and how they’d become unhappy. He nearly cried when he talked about how Martin had left him, but he didn’t, and Jimothan sensed that it would take a while for Parsley to fully open up to him. He didn’t mind that. He understood. Catching up would take time, and that was okay.

Jimothan told Parsley about Trencil after much hesitation. At first Parsley was surprised, but more than anything he just seemed glad that Jimothan had somebody there for him. He admitted that he’d been terrified that Jimothan would be alone after he left. Jimothan didn’t admit that he’d been afraid of the same thing, but he did tell Parsley that he was the happiest he’d been in a long time. Parsley said he was glad, and Jimothan believed him.

Things weren’t perfect for Jimothan. He still drank probably too much, he still felt crushing depression a lot of the time, he still sometimes wondered what would happen if he just drank himself to death. But he always pulled himself out of the hole. He had his job, he had his boyfriend, he had a shaky newfound family with his coworkers, and he had his son. Finally, after so many years, he had his son back.

Things weren’t perfect. But they were better, and better was all Jimothan could hope for. He was happy with better. He only hoped the trend of things getting better continued. 

**Author's Note:**

> whew, this one was a LOT of fun to write... my darling friend Never_Eat_Sour_Wheat and i have been working on this 1920s au for quite a while and i'll be honest... i've got a real soft spot for it. jimothan has always been a really intriguing character to me (yes, because i have a crush on him, but ALSO he's just COOL) and i poured a lot of love into this little fic. i hope y'all like it!!!
> 
> you can find more about this au in the other fics from this series!!! my tumblr is winemomparker if y'all ever wanna chat!!! thank you all so much for reading, comments and kudos are much appreciated!!! :-)


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